Surfette

File this under No Girl, It's NOT Just You Who Does This

What if your biggest stumbling block is...you?

Say you have an idea. So you call on your courage, uproot your life, move a thousand or more miles, and arrive on the scene to...wait a little more.

Have you failed? Or are you just getting started?

In Transplanting, Growing and Thriving: Some Thoughts On Success, Blogger Kelly Ferry unearths rich insight while moving raspberry canes she planted in her mother-in-law's Ohio yard three years ago. Turns out that in the past three growing seasons, the New Yorker who blogs Her Able Hands has learned exactly why her first planting failed and the canes faltered in one part of the yard.

Read more about our BlogHer of the Week. Ferry faces down all the internal voices that tear her down. And in the end? She's left with her enthusiasm for her idea.

If you are one of the five women I spoke with in the past week who was doubting herself -- you know who you are -- read it. Now go for it!

Snow White barefoot and pregnant, Jasmine at War, Belle under the knife

Just when I thought the more Sisyphean elements of this week would undo me, I tuned in to one of my favorite blogs, Surrender Dorothy. This week, Blogger Rita Arens introduced readers to Photographer Dina Goldstein and her extraordinary series Fallen Princesses:

Goldstein, who can write as well as shoot, love that, tells how new motherhood introduced her to fairytales she certainly wasn't seeing come to life around her:

"I began to imagine Disney's perfect Princesses juxtaposed with real issues that were affecting women around me, such as illness, addiction and self-image issues..."

Believe me, you've never seen Beauty, Cinderella, Jasmine or Rapunzel like this. It's like watching Cindy Sherman take on pop culture for kids, in an accessible, reality-bites kind of way. Why are these images so powerful? The insight that cracked me like an egg was Rita's:

"In real life, happiness is the time spent being thankful you aren't going through hell anymore. In real life, we don't know happy unless we've been sad, really sad, or really angry, or really sick. Once we've been all of those things, we learn to appreciate moments when nothing is wrong --- and see them as happiness instead of the status quo."

Amen. We live, we learn, we grow up, we are thankful, we learn to find our happiness.

Unless, for some reason, we don't.

Rita nails that too when she describes Goldstein's image of a sumptuously pretty Belle going under the knife:

"Some of the princesses seem to have brought things upon themselves and have essentially victimized themselves, such as Belle with the plastic surgery..."

Which brings me to the tough part of this week, Sad Truth: The Story of Little One April. I won't repeat myself here, but you won't understand the rest of this post unless you go read that link. I'll wait...

What to say? As someone working to develop credibility and respect for women who blog about every topic, from tech to table, I'm so frustrated and disappointed by this blogger. But my frustration is forgettable when compared with the fact that she cast a shadow of doubt on the many women and families who have blogged the loss of children and the early lives of babies with severe health issues -- some of whom have grounded me with their compassion for her.

And I can only imagine the hurt and confusion that led her down this path at all.

I'm not a bitter person, it's not the way I roll. But I do occasionally get frustrated. Reading Rita's post helped me remind me of my own paths from sad to happy, through divorce and loss, and to put this week in perspective. So thanks Rita.

Happy Saturday. Hope you all go find your happy.

A very long, meandering thank you to Vicki Larson of Mommy Track'd and Samantha Ettus of ObsessedTV

Confession: I love talking about facts in interviews. Whatever I'm researching and reporting on, I can yammer on about until someone brings out a huge hook and yanks me away from the microphone.

One topic, however, makes me cringe, clinch my teeth and shake my head no: Myself. As my thirteen-year-old would say in a fake English accent, "Nothing to see here, folks, move along!" It's been the hardest part of my transition from reporting to blogging, sharing anything personal. Sharing personal information with someone else to share FOR me? Excruciating.

I think I've finally figured out why: My problem is that the skills required for a good interview -- keen observation, the ability to craft prose around Just The Facts and simple questions such as "Why?" -- are pretty rare. Hence, why should I trust the interviewer? Magazine stands and Web sites are junked up with masturbatory articles in which the writer puts herself first, her reader last and the subject risks ending up as roadkill. I've worked so hard to have a great family life, why talk about it at all much less with someone I don't know?

David Carr nails it in his interview with Simon Dumenco, describing press response to Carr's memoir, The Night Of The Gun:

Carr: There are two kinds of reporters that I experienced. One was people that just showed up, asked a lot of questions, wrote down what I said, and then went and wrote a story about my answers and what they knew. And then there was another version of reporter that showed up, made a speech about what my book was about, made a number of assumptions about why I wrote it, asked me a few questions and then went and wrote what they thought. And I've always, I think, had tendencies toward the second kind of reporter. The people who just came and asked questions, their stories were 10 times better, and I gotta say that had a profound effect on me. I don't need to make a speech before I start in on a story. I don't need to explain what I think. I need to find out what the other person knows and then write it up. I need to show more curiosity about the matter at hand, and less authority.

Clearly Carr's really showing up for this interview. Here's the kicker: Dumenco exhorted this great response with a two-word question. He writes a lead-in to a Q&A with Carr and the result is a great case study for any writer. To see how it's done, check out 'Media Has Become a Kind of Reverse Roach Motel ...' And Other Thoughts From New York Times Columnist David Carr on the Pursuit of Truth ... and What Happens Next.

All of this is a very long preamble to thank Vicki Larson of Mommy Track'd and Samantha Ettus of ObsessedTV.

I did interviews with both women earlier this year, in which I was surprised to be asked questions about my children and partner, rather than just questions about BlogHer and women online. Samantha did extensive research before the interview -- she covered the widest variety of questions I've had from any reporter this year. Vicki and I never even spoke, but she did a masterful job of editing down my emailed responses to her questions.

In fact, the only way I agreed to do these two interviews was the professional way in which both these sites represent themselves and the fair manner in which I felt they treated other interviewees.

So thanks Vicki and Samantha!

Here are the interviews:
Mommy Track'd 
ObsessedTV (see video below)

How appropriate that I spent the day with my mother

I'm back.

Yes, it's been a long hiatus. In the past six months, I experienced one of those "I can't have it all or DO nearly it all, so I'd better kick fanny with what's within my power."

So I spent time with my mother while she was undergoing radiation for breast-cancer, after her really-fricking-big lumpectomy. And worked on BlogHer.

I'm glad I did. Today Mom's in remission and BlogHer has had a good year.

So I'm getting back to the blogging thang here, to supplement my BlogHer blog. But I am appalled and heartbroken to have to start my return with this piece about a man who worked his entire life to protect a woman's right to choose:

Dr. George Tiller shot dead Sunday; Bloggers react to news of late-term abortion provider's killing.

Photo source: Wikipedia

How appropriate that I spent the day with my mother, who taught me about the sanctity of life, the sacredness and specialness of my own body, the joy of motherhood, and the essential nature of a woman's right to a safe and legal abortion. This will break her heart as much as it has broken mine.

Hey, what better way to spend $25 than on teaching first-graders about the presidency?

Denise Tanton is leading the BlogHer community through our participation in the DonorsChoose.org program. I'm so grateful that I just spent $100. Yes, you read that right.

You'll see why -- it's like eBay for karma, an antidote to the insanities plaguing Wall Street and coverage of Sarah Palin. You doubt me? I give you Exhibit A: "Room 1 on the Presidential Trail."   

Aaaaaahhhhh...

UPDATE: Superlate registration for Blogging While Brown still open!

The week after BlogHer '08, history will take place in Atlanta at the first ever Blogging While Brown conference. Registration for the conference IS STILL OPEN and there will be no on site registration. Register today!

"Let's talk" - exclusive BlogHer post by Michelle Obama

Michelle Obama, wife of presumptive Democratic presidential nominee Barack Obama accepted BlogHer's invitation to join our community.

Here's an excerpt from her blog post, which has kicked off a conversation about all that women do:    

<blockquote>
"Over the course of this campaign, I’ve been hosting roundtable discussions with working women all across America. I’m there to talk about my husband, of course – but more importantly, I’m there to listen. We talk about what it’s like to play multiple roles at once and what it’s like to feel stretched thin between the demands of a career and family....

[Barack] sees me, his wife, trying to juggle jobs and raise kids; often feeling like when I’m with the kids, I’m shortchanging work, and when I’m at work or campaigning, I’m shortchanging the kids. I know you understand these struggles. Barack understands them too..."
</blockquote>

You can read the rest here.

As you know, BlogHer is a non-partisan community. We have invited Cindy McCain to join as well. :)

Big doings! BlogHer enters strategic partnership with iVillage, BravoTV, Oxygen

Announced on BlogHer yesterday. See you there in the comments!

Are you going to the Blogging While Brown conference? Register by July 14

The week after BlogHer '08, history will take place in Atlanta at the first ever Blogging While Brown conference. Registration for the conference ends July 14, 2008 and there will be no on site registration. Register today!

Looky -- BlogHer's first book and book tour! "Sleep is for the Weak," edited by Rita Arens and starring 23 bloggers

NEVER underestimate a woman with a three-ring binder.

In 2006, Rita Arens of Surrender Dorothy approached me with a huge idea, an exquisitely organized binder and...an adult beverage. She has the touch, Rita. 

The result? Sleep is for the Weak, an anthology of superb blogging by parents edited by Rita Arens and starring 22 hot hot parenting bloggers plus me, the great mommylurker:

www.amalah.com, amywojo.typepad.com, www.birdiejaworski.com, citymama.com, www.finslippy.com, fridayplaydate.com, www.fussy.org, izzymom.com, laidoffdad.typepad.com (to whom I owe a drink after shamelessley sponging off him in NY), mom-101.blogspot.com, www.mommyneedscoffee.com, motherhooduncensored.typepad.com, notcalmdotcom.typepad.com, papernapkin.typepad.com, rancidraves.blogspot.com, gracedavis.typepad.com, www.surrenderdorothyblog.com, www.sweetney.com, http://thenakedovary.typepad.com/cheek/, surfette.typepad.com, www.threekidcircus.com, wouldashoulda.com, mommytrackd.com/features/risagreen

The first piece is a terrific and very personal foreword by Stacy Morrison, editor-in-chief of Redbook and blogger of the all-new Something about Stacy.

Let it be said that without Rita's perseverence, cajoling, bartending skills and chutzpah, BlogHer's first book would not exist (and a parenting is just the beginning of Rita's grand plans for BlogHer anthologies!)

Now we contributors are kicking off a signing tour for Sleep is for the Weak, beginning on July 19 at BlogHer Conference '08 in San Francisco. Immediately afterward, we begin scheduled August, September and October visits to the 13 cities listed in this widget. We hope you'll join us! Amazon's already taking orders. Like my mom's.

Editrix Rita selected these blog posts to help moms and dads find solace in other parents' naked narration of Life After Children. That's how Sleep grew to embrace a wide range of viewpoints and issues not often discussed in mainstream magazines and parenting books — from dealing with rage to negotiating sleeping arrangements to experiencing the frustrations and joys of parenting a special-needs child. Not to mention pooping, puking, feeding and The Talk.

I can't speak for the other contributors, but I'll tell you I am so proud to be part of it. This first BlogHer book is snort-Diet-Coke-out-the-nose funny at times, poignant and bittersweet at others. But don't take our word for it -- take theirs:

• "A lively compilation of honest, funny, real-life writing. Parents will find reassurance, heart, and a lot of humor in this collection. A very entertaining read!"  —Christie Mellor, author, The Three-Martini Playdate
• "From the foreword to the final essay, this is a collection of some of the best writing out there on the topic of modern motherhood."  —Amy Keroes, founder & CEO, mommytrackd.com

We hope you join us -- on our book tour, on this site and on our contributors' blogs. So check out our blog-bling for a signing near you (see the upper-right hand corner of this blog). Hope to hear what you think!

Cross-posted from BlogHer.